Once upon a Dream

            Have you ever met someone and felt like you already knew them?  There are a handful of people in my life that from the moment I met them, I couldn’t imagine what life had been like before knowing them.  It reminds me of the song from Sleeping Beauty.  And Disney romance aside, it really is such a wonderful feeling.  I most recently experienced this when I welcomed our son into our family. 

            He was born in the middle of a snowstorm.  It was my shortest labor yet.  And as soon as he was delivered, all the anticipation turned to joy.  My husband could hardly believe the doctor when he told us the baby was a boy.  His name had been chosen and set aside for years, just waiting for him to be born.  And as soon as I saw him and held him in my arms, I experienced again what it feels like when your heart grows, bursting with love.

            James 1:17 reminds us that “All good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no alteration or shadow caused by change.”  Children are pure gift.  They are truly blessings from God.  His love for us does not change.  Rather, I am constantly changed by His love.

            I realize what a miracle this life is.

            The delivery of our first daughter was complicated.  But the desire for another child trumped my fears and anxieties.  We were blessed with our second daughter (after a smoother birth experience).  And so I felt more prepared when we found ourselves pregnant for a third time.  But nothing could have prepared me for a miscarriage. 

            After we lost Quinn I recognized the old me would have closed myself off, wanting to prevent a similar hurt.  It was only by the grace of God that I was willing to try again.  And we were soon blessed with another pregnancy.  Another miscarriage, this time losing Arwen.  And again God’s grace was sufficient, sustaining me throughout.  But I could have easily said no and protected my heart.  Instead, God poured His life and love in and eventually we were pregnant again.  And this time the pregnancy ended with the birth of our son.          

            We all experience suffering.  But are we willing to open ourselves up to God’s will?  Can we trust in a love that is unshakable, a will that is for our ultimate good?

            I would never have imagined my life now.  How could I have seen all the joy and love that would fill my days?  But I took a simple step, trusting in God’s love for me.  And I know that as long as I follow His voice no matter what may come it will all be for His glory.  It is by allowing the Holy Spirit to work in my life that I have been led to where I am.  This is a life I could never have envisioned.  As I look at our beautiful son who has only been part of my life for such a short time I really am living once upon a dream.  And I have God’s grace to thank.