You Go Before Me

            As I sit down and write, I realize what brought me here – a deep discomfort concerning the uncertainty of my future. As I finally completed and submitted applications for a post-degree practicum, I find myself feeling more anxious than ever. What do I do with this gnawing feeling in my stomach? This feeling of complete lack of control about my future, this thought that my entire career relies on how ready, prepared or perfect the coordinators perceive me to be.

            But have I left room for God? Do I lack belief that He has gifted me with skills and talents for the specific purpose He has laid before me- to serve others with my natural abilities and potential talents? Why have I forgotten that I am made in His image? Made to be great, to shine the Light of the Lord!

            I find myself writing and listening to the song “Defender” by Rita Springer - quietly singing the words “You go before I know that you’ve even gone to win my war” and suddenly, I stop, sit up and repeat the words “You go before I know that you’ve even gone to win my war”.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the way God reaches down to us through the Holy Spirit and speaks directly to our hearts, supplying but a small word or scripture to encourage, uplift and give hope.  I desperately needed to hear, now matter what is around this corner, Jesus has gone before me. I have a tendency to overanalyze, worry about my future and look for ways in which I am inadequate. There is something so life changing when the Lord directly speaks to your heart and says, “I am Your Defender”. Knowing He is leading the way is the source of my contentment – in every area of my life, including within my relationships and future career.  I realize that this world offers little to bring contentment to a worried soul. I also realize that God directly tells us in scripture not to worry. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”. Philippians 4:6-7.

            In the past, this verse has troubled and confused me at times. How Lord, can this be? There are so many things around us that can cause worry. As I reflect, I know that God never tells us there is nothing to worry about. He never tells us that our lives, relationships, careers, or health status is not important. He loves those things! He has large plans for those things! He tell us plainly.. that whilst we worry about the safety and security of the closest things to our heart, He is the One who we need to draw nearer to in these times. These times are an opportunity, a divine appointment, to pull our faith out of the rocky places we have placed it in the past, and direct our faith solely towards Jesus. When we do, we receive His loving gaze, we know He is before us, we know He is our God, our Good Shepherd. He will never leave us or forsake us.