4 Steps to Become "The One"
Becoming the One
Mr. Darcy, Prince Charming, you name it - I have fangirled about them all. I loved movies that spoke about a beautiful love story. I used to spend much of my teen years thinking about the illusive "One" and how he and I would meet and how he would make me feel. I deeply desired this man of my dreams but I realized in my twenties that if I desire this man to be a well-rounded and virtuous man, I need to also step up to the plate and strive to be better. When finding the person you want to be with forever, it's not enough just to envision what the man or woman of your dreams will be like. The greater vision is the vision of who you want to be. Focus on becoming the kind of woman you want to be for the Lord and for the person you marry someday. Here are 3 questions to help you reflect on being the best version of yourself:
1. What is your vision for your own life? What do you want to accomplish in life? Are you striving to build a life that is small and easy-going or do you want a fast-paced life? What is your stance on money, religion and the possibility of a family? Are you willing to take risks and step out into the unknown or are you risk-aversive and prefer routine?
2. What character traits do you want to work on? Is it confidence? Is it working on pride or humility? Focus on building up yourself with one challenge a month. Try to practice patience with your colleagues and friends and family for a month. Do an examination of conscience at the end of the day to see how you did at achieving your goal. You can find a great examen here: http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/19076/examen-prayer-card
3. Are there any past wounds I need to heal first? Hurt people hurt other people and you want to start a future relationship without any unresolved wounds. Ask yourself if any past pains are stopping you from becoming the best person possible. Your struggle may be an abusive parent, an eating disorder, a sexual addiction or a fear of intimacy. Go to the root of that hurt and figure out what needs to be addressed. Study yourself and see if you have trust issues or anxiety about certain issues - these things will come up sooner than later so it is good to deal with it in a time on singlehood. Going to confession, talking with a friend and getting spiritual direction are great steps to start the healing process. It is possible to heal from these hurts and if you want specific resources, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We want to help.
4. Who do you want to attract? Learn to love yourself well and you will attract a like-minded person. You get the love you think you deserve. Focus your being on loving God and you will attract someone who also seeks after Christ first. Believe that you are worthy of love and you are capable of getting the love and support you need. Love yourself - trust your instincts and be confident in your sense of self. Use your being to influence others and inspire boys to become men. Make a list of non-negotiable factors that you want someone to have. Is it faith? Is it a good job? Is it ambition? Is it family-oriented? Search your heart and discern what you are looking for because if you don't know what you are looking for, anyone will do.
Don't settle, my friend. You deserve the best, not the scraps. You are made4more!