Miscarriage Made Me a Better Wife

            This past year my husband and I experienced two miscarriages.  Through our losses, my life has changed in many ways.  The sadness and sorrow have given birth to love and joy.  My marriage especially has been blessed these past months.  As I reflect on the many ways our relationship has flourished, I am reminded of a few important changes that the experiences of miscarriage have had on our marriage and the role miscarriage has played in making me a better wife.

I know our marriage is strong.  Losing two children has been by far the most difficult experience of my life.  But my husband stood beside me, grieved along with me, and held me when the sadness crept back up.  We held hands during the darkest hours and we were still holding hands when the light dawned.  Because of our commitment to each other, I am able to face the future without fear or worry for my relationship with my husband.  I can see how far we’ve come, and I know our journey is just beginning.  Our bond was deepened and our marriage strengthened. 

I am thankful for my husband.  I accept my husband’s gift of self.  I am grateful for the man he is today and the man he is becoming.  I thank him for changing diapers, taking out the trash, mowing the grass, helping around the house…all those little things that I might expect but that I now recognize as ways he shares his love with me.  I am thankful that he works diligently and cheerfully.  I am thankful for every smile, every word of encouragement, every embrace.  I am thankful for each day I get to spend with him.

I serve my husband with love.  I am able to give my husband the gift of myself.  I no longer complain about an article of clothing left on the floor or dirty glass left on the counter; I simply pick them up and place them in the laundry basket or dishwasher, no complaining needed.  I help him out each chance I get.  Throughout each day there are countless opportunities to set myself aside and serve my husband.  Making the simplest, yet most profound sacrifices out of love has given my life a new purpose.  I am actively fostering a truer love, one that is less self-seeking, and it guides my day-to-day interactions with my husband to be more supportive and uplifting.

I have more fun with my husband.  We are much more mindful of how we spend our time together, our topics of conversation, and our activities.  We make sure we plan dates when possible so that we have an opportunity to do something out of the ordinary.  We have been scheduling more time for our hobbies, and have been discovering new interests together.  I am even teaching my husband how to cook!  Our appreciation for our time together has been renewed, and our spirit of togetherness refreshed.  Our relationship is filled with joy.

            As I pause to reflect on how my interior and exterior life has changed in the last few months, I recognize that the catalyst has been our experiences with miscarriage.  If it were not for Quinn and Arwen entering my life I would probably have continued on my mediocre path, just getting by, never really taking the leap to love more fully.  The losses of our two children could have easily been devastating, the sadness and sorrow could have taken over.  But instead, something unexpected happened.

Saint Paul writes in Romans 8:28 “We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”  It is God who makes everything work for good for those who love Him.  God rightly deserves all of my praise, all of my thanks.  It is His love working through Quinn and Arwen, my husband and I that unites us.  It is so easy to see that we have gained far more than we lost.  I am becoming the best wife I can be.