To the Man I will Love

These things are normally written with someone in mind but no one jumps into my head as I write this. What matters in this letter is integrity. Love letters are honest. They draw from the truth that appears when our ability to feel is unimpeded. So I write, from the depths of my heart, a letter to the man I will love.                                   

When I meet you I will know. Maybe not in the way fairy-tales are told where “love at first sight” is the only way to find “the one.” But I will notice things about you and appreciate them right away, I promise.  It will only get better from there.

Here’s what I will notice:

I will notice your eyes, whether blue, green, brown, or that mysterious golden hazel. I will marvel at the way they see the worth of others; the way they recognize faults and lack judgement; the way they look directly into mine, searching my soul.

I will notice your hands, whether long-fingered from piano-playing or calloused from years of sports. I will appreciate their lingering touch, the way they hold and protect me, the way they feel in my own.

I will notice your lips and the sound of your voice. I will hang onto your words and listen appreciatively because they represent you. It will be so apparent how you smile when you speak about the things you love and it will make me smile too.

I will notice your height and how you fit so perfectly next to me, whether I am staring into your eyes or I can lean my head against your chest. I will listen to your heartbeat and feel your arms wrapped around me.

I will notice the way you smell every time you come near. I will breathe deeply because your scent brings comfort. It will be a piece of familiarity in my wanderings.

More important than what I will notice is everything I will cherish:

I will cherish your time. Every hour spent learning more about you, who you were, who you are now, and who you want to be. The outside world will slow and nothing will matter except for this person in front of me.

I will cherish your stolen glances. The little ones that you think I don’t notice. And I will steal my own before you have to turn and tell me something.

I will cherish your enthusiasm. The look on your face when you are engrossed in your passions. I will support you in these moments and try my best to understand why they mean so much to you.

I will cherish your insight. During the times I am blinded my irrational emotion your words will help me to see clearly. Your point of view will be a beacon when I am lost in the darkness, guiding me home.

I will cherish your honesty. When you speak in kind to the difficult people that need to hear it but express every real feeling to me. No secrets between us two.

And for everything I will receive from you I will do my utmost to give you back even more:

I will stare back into your blue/golden/green eyes and try to understand what is hidden there.

I will laugh at your expense, but only because it makes you smile.

I will take you to see your favorite places after a long week and we’ll eat your favorite dessert at midnight.

I will be there when you are hurting and let you yell until you can’t anymore. Then I will hold you until your eyes are dry.

I will tell you stories about things that don’t particularly matter when we have nothing else to do but wait.

I will smile when you give me the “exact” gift I told you I wanted and never exchange it for anything.

I will support you at every turn, even when you are confused and making decisions bigger than anything you could fathom.

I will not pry when things are better left unsaid, but I will make sure you know I am always here.

I will grab onto you when the world is tilting just a little too much and hold your hand in silence.

When we finally stumble onto each other’s paths, please forgive me if I’m not ready.  It’s a process, this thing called love and I’ll figure it out eventually.

Love always,