A Letter to Quinn and Arwen, my Unborn Children

This is a letter written to my two sweethearts and saints Quinn and Arwen. Quinn left us in September and Arwen in December. They were only with us a short time, but during that time they brought so much love into my life.  I thank God for them. Experiencing miscarriage and loss has changed me, and I am brought to my knees as I realize the love God has for them and for me.

Dear Quinn and Arwen,

I prayed for you both, and God answered my prayer and sent each of you to me.  Your father and I felt the Holy Spirit’s call to grow our family.  We knew that your sisters would love a little brother and a little sister and that you would add to the joy in our family.  When we discovered the good news, your father and I shared in our excitement and celebrated you, first Quinn then Arwen.  You see, we longed for you, to hold you in our arms, to kiss your cheeks, to sing to you, to watch you grow, to help you on your journey in life. My sweet boy, you are so very loved. My sweet girl, you are so very loved.

Quinn - your father and I chose your name together.  Quinn is derived from counsel, meaning wisdom, reason, intelligence. And you have enlightened my heart and mind in ways I never thought possible. Your middle name Houck is taken from my grandfather, a strong, steady, caring man.  He walked me down the aisle on our wedding day, and your father and I share a mutual affection for him.  I have known nothing but love from him. I am honored to give you his name, and you have honored him by your love.

And Arwen - we chose your name together as well, and it took a little time but we found the right fit. Arwen is said to mean noble maiden, fair and fine. And you are just that.  Your middle name Breen is taken from your father’s grandmother, a light-hearted, sweet, and caring woman. Your father grew up loving her and her twin sister who shared the name. She brought so much joy to those around her.  I remember her for her love. I am honored to give you her name, and you have honored her by your joy and love.

My dearest Quinn and Arwen, I miss you so very much.  I know that it may be a long time until I get to see you face to face. The sadness and sorrow of not being able to hold you in my arms have brought many tears. My heart is heavy, and I realize that it is because it is so full of love.  I thank God for you. You have shown me such great love, and awakened love in me. It is because of you that my heart has grown and stretched.  

You have taught me so many truths in life. Because of you, I realize how precious, how full life is. You have shown me how to be thankful, to be truly grateful for the many blessings God gives me.  You remind me that everything I have, everything I am, is a gift from above.  My life is not about me. Turning my heart to the Father His love for me sets my life on a new path.  

You have brought me peace, Quinn and Arwen. I desire to seek and accept God’s will, to receive the peace He gives. The peace that comes when I place my trust in the Father’s love. And you have brought me joy, Quinn and Arwen, joy like I have never known before.

Because of you Quinn and Arwen, I love your sisters with a stronger love.  As they both grow to know you, I know your connection with them will strengthen. They care for you, and I know you care for them. And the love I have for your father has deepened beyond what I thought I was capable of.  I now love him with a fierce love. You have changed us all for the better, for we are better for knowing and loving you.

As your mother, I would guide you to heaven, and yet you are the one showing me the way. You are fulfilling your purpose, a greater purpose than I could ever imagine. It seems that you are the one holding me in your arms, kissing my cheeks, singing to me, watching me grow, and helping me on my journey in life.  

Because of you, I am experiencing the beauty that comes from the ashes. The gladness that comes after mourning.  The glorious praise in the place of a faint spirit. So I thank you Quinn Houck Faherty.  I thank you Arwen Breen Faherty.  For being you.  

We say that we lost you, but that isn’t true. We know exactly where you are.  And it is because of my faith in the hope of the Resurrection that I know we will all be together again.  You have taught me what it means to hope. And I thank God, for pouring out His love through you.

Love always my darlings,

Your Mama