You Can Draw the Line

By Lisa Logan

The million dollar question: where do I draw the line in a relationship? The line between not closing your heart off completely and not being too open. The line between not letting anyone in and letting everyone in who knocks on your door. 

I’ve sat in many a coffee shop with my friends mulling over this question, making sure we don’t shut ourselves off from the world because of previous hurt, but also not allowing that hurt to happen again because we can’t learn to draw lines. Drawing lines is a beautiful thing, building walls is not.

My dear sister, maybe you have built a wall around yourself in hopes no one will see you. People have tried to break you and bruise you in the past, and now you hope that the wall you have built will protect you as you nurse your wounds. You opened the door to your heart and let them get too close, only for them to walk away with pieces of your heart. Trust me, I’ve been there. I was never the person to build lines or walls. Instead, I made my heart “free admission” for anyone to come in. People came through and left stains with their insults and took my most precious cargo. Although it took a while for me to let go of the pain, I did and now I have learned to draw lines. 

Even though it’s been a painful experience, I don’t regret the memories and the heartache. The reality is, I’ve always believed that love is worth the risk and I’m glad I did not build walls to shut off my heart from potential heartache once again. I’m not saying I would go back in time and go through it again, but I am saying that I now know about drawing lines. Drawing lines means learning to wait, to watch, to learn and to wage whether I should extend the line or bring it closer. It means using the wisdom the Lord has given me to learn whether someone deserves full access or not. 

I am not only talking about romantic relationships. Yes, dating requires drawing lines; the waiting, watching and waging. But friendships and family relationships require lines too. The line you draw in all your relationships is for you to decide where it goes, not for them. But remember, the line is not there to shut you off from loving others, it is there to help you love them well and decide what and who you let inside. 

There was a time dear friend, when I too let others’ words penetrate my heart, take root and grow into into a hurtful concoction. Now, the lines help to me to evaluate words, and to ultimately let only God’s words take root. 

Dear sister, don’t hide between that mortar any longer. You are far to exquisite and unique to hide behind it. The world needs your love, it doesn’t need you hidden away. Don’t let the people who have come by and hurt you to shut you off from love. Don’t let them be the reason you don’t take a chance on true love or life-giving relationships with others.

Stand strong on that rock girl. On the rock who is Christ. The ones who truly loves you. The family, the friends and a future man, will wait patiently for you to move the line. They won’t rush you, or make hurtful gestures to force the line, they will stand on the Rock as well and wait. The Rock who is Jesus who stands for patience, love, grace, dignity, and humility. Know that you are not standing behind those lines alone, the love of Jesus is standing with you, supporting you and holding you- showing you when to move the line.