You Are Not a Fall Back Plan

By Lisa Logan

Today, I’m writing to the girl who walked away from a relationship she knew was wrong for her, and is hurting so much. Sometimes, making the difficult choice results in the biggest blessings, but before that, feels like the heaviest weight. 

You want someone to fight for you. To choose you and commit to you in the good and the bad. You want to be loved, cherished and respected. Don’t feel guilty for wanting this, you deserve it.

You wanted all these things when you entered a relationship with a man you thought would cherish you, or fill that lonely spot in your heart. It turns out that he’s not so great after all. Maybe you’ve discovered that prince charming is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. Maybe he doesn’t respect you or just wants you as a “plan B” or “fall back” plan. This is not what you were hoping for and your heart desires something more. 

You know deep down that you deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to you or someone who says, “one day we can try again”, or “I need time to explore.” Perhaps you’ve made excuses for him saying, “but he’s scared, “he’s got family issues”, or “neither of us likes labels.” Like a fool, I’ve stood in that same position, twiddling my thumbs making excuses for a man who was not worthy of me, saying I don’t like labels either when all I wanted was unconditional love. 

You should be nobody’s second choice.

And so, after a long time of contemplation and encouragement from loved ones, you’ve decided that it’s best to walk away. It took everything within you to let go of someone who was leading you down the wrong path, to make room for better, for God’s best. 

You made a decision and it was a hard one. You decided that even though you invested so much time, heart, emotions, memories, heart to hearts, kisses and laughter, that you want something different than what you were holding on to. That’s courage my dear sister, and I am proud of you for it. But it hurts to your core and it will take many tears, prayers and time to heal.  Your heart is bruised and it will be sore for some time, but take it from me, it will heal. With time, the sorrow and the man you left, will become a far distant memory. 

In this time, let others into your pain. Let them walk with you through your heartache. Don’t trick yourself into believing that you’re alone and that no one loves you. Your experience is different than mine, but to some extent we share the same story of rejection. I know that painful feeling of going to sleep in tears holding your chest, and waking up realizing only 8 hours have passed and the pain is still there. 

Sometimes, doing those things that scare you, that seem to leave you empty handed, lead to the best, most fulfilling and beautiful surprises. Let God write your story from here on out. Give him the pen and watch the masterpiece unfold. 

Don’t even consider the lie of the enemy that tells you not to set your standards high or that you will never find a godly man because, hey they’re all taken. Firstly, it’s better to be single and enjoy life than to be placed in someone’s back pocket for later. Secondly, when the right one comes along in God’s plan, he’ll lose his pride and will fight for you; he’ll use labels, and poems and show you in words and actions, flowers and ice cream cones that you’re the woman of his dreams. The one that he’s been waiting for all his life. You’ll believe him because you’ll see it in his eyes that he is genuine. You won’t have to “read between the lines” of a text message, or always doubt where he really is. 
Your story might start in nervous handshakes and awkward conversations, but it will endure in laughter, silent moments, prayer, disagreements and mature make-ups, and hand-written notes. You are worthy, beautiful, a pearl of great worth, the earth rejoiced when you were born into this world. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, written on the palm of God’s hand, you brighten the room when you walk in and the world is a better place because you are in it.  

Now in this time of sorrow, of grief, and heart wrenching loss, become a woman of God who trusts in the plan He has for her. A woman who will treat her prince with kindness when he steps into her life. Let this experience and this time mold you into the woman you want to be for the soldier of Christ you are praying for. Be worthy of the man you deserve. 

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Move on in to this next season, thanking God that you were brave enough to make the right choice, knowing that this relationship was not yours to be had in the first place. Surround yourself with loved ones and keep your head up, excepting, anticipating and hoping that your trust in God will only lead you to good, incredible things. 

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all. Emily Dickinson