My Journey to Healing
In the Fall of 2014 the doctor reported to me, “Lisa, your disease is progressively getting worse. We have to talk about your options, and your future.” You can only imagine the thoughts swirling in my mind.
"Chronic illness.. Disease..Infertility..Cancer," my mind drifted when he spoke.
I was diagnosed with a chronic condition in 2008, but the last two years have been a roller coaster of happy moments interwoven with heavy drugs and sickness. I went from being a successful, driven young woman to what I felt was an ugly burden to those around me. I went from a spirited woman to an empty woman on work disability in a matter of a few short years.
Sitting in that doctor's office a year later in 2015, I wondered what would happen. Things were not improving. In the past, I would have moments of relief, but this time the disease was relentless. I was engaged to be married. I was to plan a wedding and move my entire life to another country. Realistically, I had no time to deal with a physical health trial.
I asked myself:
Why would this happen to me now?
Did the doctors misdiagnose me?
Was Jesus calling me home?
Would I walk down the aisle?
What about my responsibilities as a future bride,
as a daughter, sister and friend?
If you have a chronic disease like Lupus or Colitis, if you've ever had cancer and been through chemo, you know that the pain, exhaustion and the emotional carousel is more than one person can handle. The thought of Heaven comforts you because you know that your pain will end. I longed for the day that tears would be no more. No more pills and IVs. No more pain. No more hospitals. No more heavy drugs. No more hurting.
It takes a special kind of man to watch his woman slowly fade away; fade away emotionally and become so unavailable it hurts. It's the love I have for him that gave me the strength to keep on. To get through the day like a 'normal person', maybe even put on some mascara and feel beautiful like the time when we fell in love before I got to be so sick. His love has pulled me out of the darkest pit when the physical and mental pain became too much. I fought with everything I had, and still fight, through the pain, the exhaustion, the poisons administered to me that are supposed to be healing me. I fought through the mire just to get to his heart. For one more date we sat next to each other, as he ran his hands through my falling hair.
The friends and family that surrounded me became my soldiers. They spoke God's promises of healing, hope and strength into my life. When you walk through the crashing waves, you need support. I tell you that who you surround yourself with is so important. In the middle of a crisis you need warriors who will go into combat with you. I am thankful to each and every single person who prayed for me, who laid hands on me and who believed for me, for those who visited and called. I could not say this enough, God created us for each other.
I had friends who spoke God's Truths over me:
- "He heals the brokenhearted and heals all their wounds" Ps 147:3
- "Go in peace and be free from your suffering" Mark 5:84
- "Jesus went through all the towns and villages..healing every disease and sickness." Mk 9:35
- "By his stripes you have been healed" 1 Pt 2:24
- “He heals all your diseases” Ps 103:3
- "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world" 1 Jn 4:4
- “No weapon formed against you shall prosper” Is 54:17
The next 6 months became a series of tests, biopsies, colonoscopies, scans and more tests. I sat in many waiting rooms full of patients with the same disease. Some who had cancer. Some who had disease not familiar to me. Some people limping and those who were scarred from surgery. Little children poked and prodded from endless needles and their parents, with tear filled eyes. Stage IV cancer, someone told me. Only one month to live. My heart became so heavy looking at everyone in the treatment rooms. "God, why all the suffering?" I thought. He told me He was carrying their burdens but this was my chance, to reach out and pray for them.
There is something about being carried by Jesus through the fog and darkness. There is something about walking with Him through the mud. He leads you straight into the Father's heart. You come out knowing Jesus, not only knowing about Jesus.
I look back and would not trade this past season for anything. Something within me has changed. People have said, "You have been with Him."
Why did God not heal me right away? I don't know all the answers. But I believe that Jesus is healing me.
- Sometimes God uses natural means to heal us.
- Sometimes God uses doctors and medicine.
- Sometimes He heals us through a instant miracle.
- Sometimes He brings us to Heaven to heal us there.
Believe that God will choose to heal you in the way that glorifies Him the most.
I also don't want you to feel that your illness or circumstance is too small or too advanced for God. What is important to you, is important to Him. Some people would tell me, "it could be worse", but the experiences I went through were as bad as it gets for me.
Jesus can :
- Heal your marriage.
- Bring your children home.
- Heal your disease.
- Heal cancer at any stage.
- Allow you to conceive a child.
- Heal your mental illness.
- Bring you out of financial debt.
- Heal your depression.
- Heal your back.
- Heal the pain in your body.
- Open up doors of opportunity.
- Heal your broken heart.
- Help you forgive.
- Jesus can.
So for those of you fighting a battle of your own, whether it’s cancer or chronic illness or depression, a physical or mental battle, don't give up! Others may not understand you or what you are going through, but you have a God in Heaven who sees you, who cares for you, even if you don't feel Him. Look up and feel the light of His love shining into your heart.