Learning from my Father (Pt. 2)
To read part one of Learning from my Father, click here:
These are some of the lessons I learned from my dad:
- Accept another's love even if it isn't ideal in order to honour their effort because everyone is broken. Love another's poverty and ugliness but practice self-care and create boundaries to protect yourself. I would be uncomfortable hugging my dad and sitting next to him but I made an effort to put myself in those situations to better our relationship. But there were moments when I had to get some space and say no to him in order to say yes to me. When people see love or goodness in you, they are tempted to pounce on it. If you are the source of that love, you can feel exploited, hurt and robbed. Out of thirst for that love, the other person will take without consideration and you must allow yourself to be emptied with prudence and wisdom.
- Marriage is hard because love is hard. But love sanctifies you and makes you holy. My mother and father didn't work because they didn't know what marriage really was and they didn't want to work or compromise. We need to make prudent and wise choices if we feel called to the sacrament of marriage in its beauty and in its difficulty .
- Hurting people hurt people. My dad hurt me because he was hurt. His wounds are deep and painful just like mine. He is broken just like me. He's just broken in different places. Once I realized that my dad was just any other man, that he wasn't a super hero, I realized that he is fallible, he is human and he is weak just like me. Some coping methods: Be calm! Be patient and help resolve the situation, don't shame or belittle the other to feel better about yourself.
- Love unceasingly and give without counting the cost even when it is unbearable, lonely and uncomfortable. We are here to serve, not to be served. I was living out the truth about loving until it hurts so I was really feeling the pain of someone relying on you and still loving them if you don't want to. I needed to search for Jesus in my dad even if it killed me.We can't change and others can’t change without the grace of God. It's so hard when you know what authentic love is supposed to be like but you're confronted by a love that tries to impose and pretends to be authentic.
- Revisiting and venturing into our wounds with Christ is where the grace of the wound is experienced. The wound of loneliness, heart ache and despair is a birth place of new life, new hope, grace and peace. There was beauty in the pain. In our misery is found the majesty of our scars by clinging to Christ. I am learning that it is our past and current wounds that most unites us with our crucified Lord and enables us to connect more intensely with others. Our brokenness becomes beautiful. Audrey Assad beautifully wrote that “when that forgotten wound bleeds yet again in my heart, I am learning to pay attention: God isn’t done with that wound. God wants to heal you and me on an even deeper level than last time. Sometimes we think that one encounter with God's mercy will heal us entirely. But our wounds run deeper than we know, and God is patient.” He knows you’re worth the wait.
My prayer for you:
May Jesus protect you and give you rest. You are beautiful. Loved. Wanted. Adored. You are The Father's daughter whom He is so proud of. Hold that in your heart. Jesus is with you always. Hide in His wounds and rest in His heart.