Finding Peace in Singleness
When one gazes up at the sky in the night, when the stars are shining so bright and the moon creeps in with its marvellous glow, it paints such a vivid image in which one cannot deny of its beauty. Although days quickly turn into nights, we are almost 100% sure that the next morning, the sun will be shining again. Translating this analogy into my own life was a struggle because I could not see my suffering as being a blessing in disguise. I didn’t know how this time of waiting could be beneficial for me in the long run.
It’s every girl’s biggest dream to fall in love with the man of her dreams, plan her wedding day, have a family and grow old with him. The aching in my heart only seemed to be getting worse and worse as the days went on. I allowed myself to drown in my fears of staying single for the rest of my life. I allowed all my doubts & my insecurities get the best of me. This led me feeling discouraged and hopeless. I wanted to stay positive and hopeful, but I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel because I allowed my dreams and vision to be blurred. I was afraid of allowing myself to believe the lie that being single was a curse.
It wasn’t until a series of events that kept unscrambling themselves in my life that slowly got me to stop myself from going down a tangent of negativity. I was then able to reflect on where the Lord could be hiding in this mess I was in.
Realistically, I knew that there would be plenty other times that I would catch myself thinking about my future and who I would end up with, so I decided that I needed to adopt a different outlook on this. I decided to think about singlehood as a time to deepen my relationship with my Father in Heaven, as well as discovering my passions, my desires, and who I desired to be in the future. I decided to focus on striving to become the best version of myself.
The truth is, it hurt. It hurt to surrender all my worries, doubts and insecurities to Jesus because I want control over my life. I struggle especially with letting God direct my steps while discerning my vocation. However, it’s a step by step process. The more I spend time with my Heavenly Father in prayer and the more I get to know Him, whether through mass, adoration, reading the Bible or even reading online blogs, I am reassured that He is indeed the author of my life and I can be assured of His plans for me.
I also know that I am in love with “love”. To be completely honest, I am in love with being in love – it is such wonderful feeling. The love that makes you feel weak in the knees and makes your stomach go upside down. I never want to be out of love. I’ll always long for it and want more. St. Therese of Lisieux said: “My vocation is love. It is You, O my God, who has given it to me.” I am convinced that He is the ultimate source of this love I experience every day. He is, essentially, my first love and “[I] love because He first loved [me]” 1 John 4:19. I willingly trust in the vocation that the Lord chose for me knowing that it will be one filled with this love I crave and long for because it will come from Him alone.
My vocation is love. It is You, O my God, who has given it to me.”
Lately, I truly feel that my relationship with my Heavenly Father has been growing and I have been experiencing His overflowing love in a profound way in my daily life. He has blessed me with an amazing community of brothers and sisters in Christ who help me on my journey to holiness and this is a concrete example of how I feel His love in a tangible way.
It is God’s love that brings me peace in the midst of my suffering and to stay calm in this period of singlehood. It is He who continuously gives me the grace & strength to see my stepping stones as an opportunity to run towards Him and I know He will embrace me with arms wide open. My Father is a loving Father and I know that no matter what happens, the sun will always rise again in the morning.