Tips to Overcome Heartbreak
By: Lisa Logan
It’s hard to picture my life without my husband Steve, and I can’t imagine what life would look like if I took a different path, but before my “happily ever after”, there were one too many seasons of heartbreak. Coping with a break up is probably one of the worst feelings we have to overcome. There was one particularly heart wrenching breakup that changed my life forever. I love writing about uplifting, encouraging posts but I feel that some of you need this post right now more than anything.
Before Steve, I thought I had my entire life figured out. I wrote a post about this earlier, click here to check it out. In short, I had my dream job working as a consultant and I thought, I had met my dream guy. I remember the night like it was yesterday. I was humiliated in an airport by a boy God had no intention of having in my life. That plane ride home felt like the longest trip I had ever taken.
Rewind to early April several years ago, I began dating a boy I believed was sent to me directly from heaven. We went to the best restaurants, on weekend trips to the ocean, we tried new things together, went to church together and I became deeply involved with his family and in love with him. Little did I know, those seemingly perfect date nights, vacations, late night Skype sessions, and consistent “good morning beautiful” texts, would end up taking me through one of the most painful, heart wrenching, yet completely life altering seasons of my life.
Before this boy and I started talking, I had come off a few year dating fast and was so on fire for God. I would fill my days with worship music, daily Mass, and would read Max Lucado inspirational posts. I would not go to sleep without reading my Bible, and I refused to go out to the clubs to drink with my friends. I also spent my time in Adoration asking God to heal me completely from previous heartaches so that when my husband came along, I would be whole. I was so motivated to stay focused on God, because University and dating in the past had taken over much of my life.
However, once I started talking to whom I thought was my “dream guy”, mostly because he was "Catholic", I lost all of my motivation to stay connected to God. Reading my Bible was on the backburner, I visited the chapel less frequently and I spent my evening hours calling him and spare time traveling to visit him. I stopped reading my devotionals and spent my mornings Skyping him. I stopped attending daily Mass, and spent my time texting him. I had replaced all things godly with a boy that had no intention in keeping me around. I began rejecting the one Man who would never leave me, nor forsake me.
After much time spent with this routine, he made it known that he was nervous to continue pursuing our relationship. I was crushed. He softened the blow by telling me he would love to continue talking, because any “short term benefit” would be great. We all have that final straw moment. This was mine. What was or is that going to be for you? I felt confused, insecure, lost, disappointed, and so far from the path that I thought was my destiny. In my early 20's, I was young, immature and lived for those sappy “butterfly moments.”
Getting over my heartbreak wasn’t an overnight process, but when I finally did, I figured out that I wanted this breakup to shape me into the woman I wanted to be.
If you’re coping with a breakup, here’s a little personal advice from me to you:
1. The relationship you were in does not define you, nor does the opinion and words of that person. This is a choice, do not allow what this person says sink into your heart. The only thing that matters is the truth - that you are a loved, desired, cherished daughter of God. I challenge you to make a list of 10 great things about yourself (without mentioning your ex.)
2. Think big picture. I know you’re hurting, but this is just a speed bump in the grand scheme of things. It’s still a significant part of your story, but it isn’t the end of your story.
3. It’s okay to feel your emotions. Cry for as long as you need to (don't feel guilty if it's taking more time than you thought), and know that you don’t have to go through this alone. Call a best friend, mom, or sister who will let you vent (as often as you need) and will give you sound advice.
4. Don’t take to social media about it. You know what I’m talking about ladies. He does not deserve a shout out anywhere, including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.
5. Don’t let your past relationship affect your new growing relationship or a chance for a new relationship. Allow your heart to heal but don't close your heart completely to true, authentic love. Don't make any inner vows, such as "I will never love a man again" rather forgive and let go.
6. Get involved in things that you love. Grab some extra hours at work, start that hobby again, read a book, take dance lessons, volunteer at your church, do things that will help keep you moving forward. Keeping busy will help your mind not to wander.
7. Last but not least, throw yourself into the arms of Jesus. Ask Jesus to heal your heart, take advantage of the Sacraments, go to Mass, attend Adoration, and ask your friends and family to pray for you. Ann Voskamp said it best, "time never heals wounds like God does."
Not only can Jesus heal you, he can give you a new heart. Take it from me, it's more than possible!
p.s. don't listen to sappy love songs when dealing with a break up, those never help. :)