My Journey with an Eating Disorder (Pt.1)
By Christina Rosati
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” Romans 5:3-5.
What is healing if not to ultimately attain strength to help heal others? What is healing if not to tell someone that is suffering the most powerful words: me too.
I used to think my path would be narrow and smooth, with little waves, and not so many deep stumbles. I used to think of myself as someone who could conquer anything on my own, especially when it came to school, grades, and well-being. The most difficult yet grace-revealing part of my life so far, has been experiencing all of those stumbles, falling flat down and coming to the realization that those once naïve notions of achieving “perfection” was actually something not worth striving for at all.
As a young girl, I had many feelings of insecurity. I had developed earlier than many of the girls in my school and felt very uncomfortable in my body. I decided to start losing weight on my own when I was 10 years old. I began eating great and exercising in a very healthy way and felt the praise from my friends and family. The happiness I felt from feeling good in my own skin, I can hardly describe. I felt finally like I was growing into my real self, the young lady I always wanted to be. There became the point however, when I was blinded to the extremes I’d go to achieve “health” and I took things too far.
I was never satisfied with my body and felt like I always needed to keep going, keep getting smaller and smaller. I judged myself solely and completely on the way I looked, and if I wasn't good enough for myself, I surely wasn't good enough for others. At the age of 13, I began restricting my food intake and options severely. I always had amazing family and friend support. I had never gone through a traumatic experience, I was just a young girl who felt great for the first time and who was absolutely terrified of losing that security in herself. I had no idea what I was creating - the next 7 years hardened by different severities of an eating disorder.
Read the rest of Christina's journey towards healing in part two on Thursday.