Treasure Box Dreams
All in the same year my dreams came true. The man I perfected on my list. My dream job. Everything that I had ever wanted. Planned since the age of 15. I dreamt of success and a beautiful life. Especially as time passed, these dreams became even stronger and bigger. I had every bit planned out, down to when I would finish my schooling and what would come after. How, where, when, and why. I couldn’t wait for the day this life would begin that I mapped out for myself.
Let’s not forget the man that I wrote out oh so perfectly on my list. Somewhere in my younger years I had been told that I was to write a list of what I wanted to see in the man of my dreams. So I did, day after day, year after year, I spent perfecting this list. Down to the colour of his eyes and hair. Marble blue eyes and sandy hair. Soccer player, dancer, romantic. I submitted my list to Jesus and waited for him to fulfill it. And my dream job. That was made up of a consulting business with a suit and heels. I pictured myself as a young woman walking with a Grande Americano and keys in her hand. Confident. That’s what I wanted for my life, especially after all the trials life had thrown my way over the years. I expected that these dreams were to come to pass. Well of course they had to come true, I believed in the depth of my heart that this was the dream I deserved from God. I held onto my dreams in my hand, but most of all I treasured them in my heart. They were locked in the treasure box of my heart.
And so they came true, my treasure box dreams.
Down to the very last quality on my list. Down to the very last outfit that I planned out for my consulting job. And oh yes! The consulting job. I walked down the streets of the hustling and bustling city with my briefcase in hand, high heels clinking against the sidewalk and hair up tight. I got everything I possibly wanted. I thanked God time and time again for finally giving me the life that I deserved. It was bliss, perfect, you might think.
It was all a nightmare.
The dreams I had cultivated for ten years began to fall and break all in a matter of months, minutes. I saw them crumble before my eyes like the wall of Jericho and my heart bled like it never had before. Each one of them, one by one, were escaping my grasp, I could not hold on to them any longer, I had to let them go. I asked God why he would do such a thing? Why would he give me my dreams and take them away? Where was the fulfillment I dreamt of? My dreams did not fit my cookie cutter plans. They were not what I thought they would be.
“The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; Praise be the name of the Lord.”Job 1:21
God opened my treasure box and showed me the truth. He gave me exactly what I wanted, down to the very last concoction I came up in my mind to reveal to me the truth of my desires. I thought they were good and holy, but God showed that they were not of him. He loved me so much he could not allow me to keep those dreams. He wanted the fullness of life for me in his Holy Spirit. If I kept them, I would always be deceived, I would never be fulfilled. The verse “God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28)” never seemed more true for me than at this point in my life.
He asked my permission to burn and purify my dreams and my list in the flame of His Holy Spirit. God lead me to the following verse: “What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8. Simply for the sake of knowing Him, I must consider everything that is worldly as loss and better yet, garbage.What the world has to offer is nothing but shadows. It is nothing but quicksand and shifting ignorance of what is really important. Contrarily to what I thought was important was not. He began to purify my soul. And a painful purification it was.
What the world had to offer me left me empty. Only Christ is substance, He is solid ground and He is the true anchor. What I envisioned for myself in this world didn’t satisfy my glory ache. This world will never make us happy even if it’s perfect because our heart craves heaven and so much more than this earth can offer. Only Christ can fill our glory ache, everything else is secondary. It shouldn’t be misunderstood that what my dreams were comprised of were at all wrong in and of themselves. It was only that I had raised my dreams above God. God was no longer seen because He was covered by my dream.
“One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead” Philippians 3:13.
But now I am left with an empty slate. But how beautiful! Because now all I desire is Him and His dream for me. Because He is greater and more beautiful. His dreams for me are greater and more beautiful. This empty slate doesn’t signify emptiness, but purity and beauty. I wiped the slate of my memories with Love, which erased what was not confirmed in Love. I gave Jesus my failures and my past. Jesus died on the cross for us to walk forward in his resurrection. And now I’m excited about to walk in it. To walk in this new beginning, to delve in to His mystery and discover his plans for me one step, one day at a time.
Now He can write my story. Let Him write yours.