Prince Charming Doesn't Exist
I thought I found him, my prince charming. He was tall, dark and handsome. He fulfilled my dreams, my fantasy of a crazy-passionate love. He took me in his arms and carried me down the street for all to see. All the girls were jealous, I thought to myself. We were in a Disney movie, and I loved that he kissed my heart ache away. I always wanted this fairy tale ending but this all came to an abrupt end when I realized that my prince charming, was just that, charming.
Like many women, I had a series of failed relationships in the past and I desperately wanted to be loved, adored and desired by someone. Even though I felt strong in other areas of my life, this gap of insecurity allowed someone to enter who was not worthy of my heart, but created a persona as the perfect one for me. He appeared to be someone I saw as my future life partner. He presented himself as a strong Christian and showed off the most enticing, promising and thrilling aspects of himself to sweep me off my feet, and I was. After several subtle warning signs, I didn’t want to admit his clever façade wasn’t real, I didn’t want to face the reality that he had absolutely no resemblance to the man he pretended to be. I felt ashamed that I had let someone in to this degree and that I had not guarded my heart. My self-deception took me to a level where I was nearly strung along for a nightmare ride.
It wasn’t until he secured me in through his fun loving personality, that I realized my prince charming was leading me down a path I didn’t see coming. Once he gained from me what he needed, he became negligent, emotionally absent, indifferent and verbally abusive. He was shocked by the reality that I was not perfect, nor was our relationship. He was suddenly disappointed that he no longer had someone perfect to be close to or to show off to the outside world. I was not meeting his demands and was challenging his belief of perfect autonomy. I began feeling less accomplished and less competent. I began to feel as though choices were off-limits and I became nervous about approaching any type of serious conversation because my point of view was not something to be considered. Without realizing, I began to slink back, unsure of myself and allowed myself to get used. This was something I always promised myself I would never allow, I had standards, but these standards were lowered through manipulation. By the time signs of abuse were evident, I was hooked. I didn’t meet his demands of fulfillment and good feelings. I didn’t make his life complete, and so I was kicked to the curb.
Where was the prince charming I had met? Where was the man that swept me off my feet? He never existed. This was a truth that I had to swallow painfully over many months. That the man I fell for didn't exist in him.
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:15.
To my smitten eyes, this man seemed like my prince charming rather than broken and deceitful person he later proved to be. Looking back, there were signs of trouble from the start, but they were subtle and seemed too small to work any havoc in my life. In real life, the most risky villains rarely promote their ill will.
If you begin to feel confused in your relationship, and start having strange vague feelings that something isn’t right, it’s probably true. Don’t shake these feelings off and make excuses for your significant other because if something doesn’t feel right, look deeper and read between the lines. It won’t start off as very obvious inappropriate behaviour or outright physical abuse because you wouldn’t commit to a relationship if it did. It’s very important to stay level-headed in the beginning stages of the dating period in order to protect your heart.
I believed for a long time that once prince charming came along, he would fill my ache. He would finally fill my void. I painfully learned that the idea that a significant other or spouse will complete you is foolish and dangerous as both will eventually realize that this isn’t the case. If we expect someone or something other than Christ to give us happiness or our purpose, we won’t reach our full potential. Relationships are realistic, not romantic. There can be romantic moments, but to me there isn’t anything more romantic than building a life together on the foundation of sacrifice and facing hardships and the world together.
There’s no formula for a happily ever after, if there was we would all be living it out. Forget what the movies and voices of the world have told you. There is no fairy tale, or fantasy ending, there is no prince charming. There is sacrifice, heartbreak, and tough times, but there are also dream fulfilling and romantic moments. But relationships can’t be all about the latter. Any solid foundation to a healthy relationship is built on the former and on Christ; it’s only then that the latter can be fully treasured.