The Ultimate Breakup
Breakups after relationships are the worst. They are the most dreadful experience known to young women after menstrual cycles. It hurts when someone decides that they have fallen out of love with you or have moved on. It is as if the memories, the movie nights, the late night talks, and the cheesy inside jokes never happened. When you bond your heart to another, and it is ripped away from theirs, it’s painful. It feels like an amputation because you need to continue on living without that other person around to witness your life and be there for you.
Everything seems more emotional. Sappy songs are the death of us, puppy commercials make us bawl and food becomes our best friend. There is a void that wasn’t there before and we try to fill it with fleeting comfort. It is exceptionally more painful when a relationship ends and it is NOT mutual because you were all in and the other person was not and that is tough to deal with. Gaining closure is the most crucial part to full healing but most of us tend to skip this part or put it off so that we can avoid the raw, heartbreaking pain that comes with self-evaluation and reflecting on what went wrong in the relationship. Usually the symptoms of a relationship falling apart stem from taking advantage of the other and abusing the other’s heart for your own gain.
When we think about breakups, some come to mind: Gone With the Wind’s Scarlett and Rhett, Brad and Jen, and Pocahontas and John Smith (Sorry for the spoiler!)
But the biggest breakup happened 2,000 years ago and it happened in a garden. The Garden of Eden,to be exact. Unbridled desire and lust broke the vision of love that God had in store for us and we have to pay the price with labor pains and working the land (Thanks a lot A & E!)
Eden was Paradise. It was Heaven on Earth: there was no sin, sickness, or stress. Adam and Eve knew true love with God and it was a preciously innocent and intimate relationship. But when Eve was deceived by the serpent and Adam disobeyed, sin entered the world and God had to get Adam and Eve to leave. This was NOT a mutual breakup. God wanted His children to know true joy and fullness of life but Adam and Eve took advantage of God’s blessings and wanted more. If Adam and Eve lived by the tree of life in their fallen state, they would have forever remained in an irredeemable state because they would have never been able to suffer or be remorseful for their acts. “Therefore the Lord God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken. So He drove out the man” (Genesis 3:23-24).
But God knew that His love for His creation had to be unconditional. It had to be painful and He had to suffer for his beloved. So God sent His Beloved Son so that He may redeem humankind. Sin originated in The Garden of Eden and at the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus chose to eradicate that same sin from the world. That is true love. Loving without getting tired and offering your life for your beloved is true love, folks. Love is not blissful all the time. Most of the time it sucks. It is painful, raw, uncomfortably real and brutally honest. Adam and Eve fell into the charming trap of the serpent who promised knowledge and likeness to God. However Adam and Eve were already made in God’s likeness but they hungered to be more like Him in every aspect. Even today we take on A & E’s past mistakes and crave more than we need and lust for things that are not good for us. We bring this uncontrolled desire into our relationships and instead of loving people, we love things and use people and the cycle of heartache and divorce persists.
However our society still sees great value in love. It is the subject of a large amount of songs, plays, books and movies today. Why is that? Love is so highly coveted because it is the closest thing to Heaven. When we distort our idea of Love, we distort our idea of God. Love, at its purest form, is sacrificial. There is no room for selfishness, manipulation and deceit. Breakups and divorces are rampant across North America because relationships fall through the cracks and love slowly succumbs to selfishness and lies. How can we change these statistics and start a revolution that is rooted in authentic love? What we need to do is set aside our egos and understand that love is service. Love is not butterflies and rainbows. Well, sometimes it is. But mostly, it is made of compromise and humility.
Remember: Love is service. If you are healing from a breakup and are grieving the loss, instead of rewinding the past conversations, the memories and the mistakes, try to consider your roles and your actions: did the two of you give of your time selflessly? Did you both listen effectively and with sincerity? Were you both a vessel for Christ to shine through? We are called to love authentically and when we learn to love everyone with these standards, then we will avoid heartache and stretch our heart to greater lengths because love is only truly love when it hurts. If you are healing from a breakup, take heart, you are not alone. Don’t despair, and leave the past in the past. You are made new and you can start again.