The Lonely Heart
This is a short story that God put on my heart and I write it for all those who are feeling lost and alone. Even just a little bit.
My heart was despairing. There was a searing pain that stayed with me and did not go away. Sure, over time the pain had dulled and I had pushed it down so deep that I really didn’t feel it anymore. It had been a long time since I was hurled over in tears and pain, yet every once in a while, these memories popped up. The hurt, the anger, the rejection. I just wished it would go away.It’s very rare that anyone gets to see the real me. Sometimes I think I am pretty good at hiding it from all those around me. That’s what it must mean to be truly lonely: To be amongst a sea of people, yet no one really sees deeply inside of me. No one ever really knows the real ME.
Have you ever felt like that?
I sat there and pondered.
It was in that moment that I questioned God about what loneliness looked like? So that perhaps I could see outside of my little world view from my own life. It was then that I saw a flash before me and it was if God was showing me thousands of different people, all different races, ages, male and female. It was overwhelming and Jesus knew that I could not absorb everything He was showing me and hence focused on a select view to answer my question. I had no idea that there were that many lonely hearts out there. All yearning for more. To be noticed. To be held in high regard. To have just one real friend. Some hearts were completely broken from relationships that did not work out, those who had gotten divorced and lived with the stigma of what that carried. A little girl was being made fun of because of her weight and funny clothes that she wore. A little orphan boy left crying by a dumpster. Forgotten.
Then there were those who looked as if they had all the success in the world, driving a fancy car with an important job – yet inside felt completely empty. There were marriages where two people lived together, yet were like complete strangers. Teenagers were hoping to be noticed and loved – yet feeling not good enough. There were others who experienced atrocities that I could not even bring my eyes to look further.I gulped and did not think my heart could take anymore instances of loneliness. The void inside my heart deepened as I saw each troubled heart.
I looked up and saw Jesus in front of Me. His eyes so kind and loving and I asked Him – “Why do we feel so lonely? Why is it that your children are so sore and we don’t know how to fix it?” The questions just kept tumbling out. “Why do we hurt so much? Is there any way that we can be healed? The pain is too much. We pretend it’s not there. We fill our lives with other things to distract us, but there are so many of us not ever really knowingwhat purpose we have. Why Jesus?Why?”
And then I burst out crying. Crying for my own pain, and the pain I had inflicted on others. The pain of all those that God had shown me. I wept. I wept for the mommy and daddy who had to say goodbye to a child who died too soon. I wept for the utter heart break of those who lost loved ones. I wept for the little girl or boy who did not know their own worth and how beautiful they were. The tears were real and overwhelming. I wept for all those who felt abandoned. Most of all, I wept for those who could not forgive and lived with bitterness and pain. Especially those who could not forgive themselves and lived with regret and guilt and shame.
My tears poured forth and I knew that Jesus was catching each one. How? I don’t know, I just knew it.
Then He spoke to me and said: “My little one, every tear that you have cried has been a prayer lifted up to Me. I always hear the voice of My little ones. Do not be afraid for there is much that I have for you. I showed you the hearts of my little ones whom I love unconditionally, yet they do not know me. But you know Me and the answer to all of your questions is simply this: That you would come into the richness of my love and see what true redemption is. Stop trying to figure this out on your own. When you come to trust in the fullness of who I am and what I have done on the cross of Calvary – your limited understanding will be overtaken by the grace of love which never fails that will teach you to forgive and to let Me love you.”
“That is it? Jesus we need to just let you love us? How do we do that? ” I responded in wonder. Jesus replied: “My little one. It’s been in you since the beginning of time, when I created you. Do not worry.”
Before me I saw a bible verse appear and it was this: John 14: 1-4
1“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God ; believe also in me. 2My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Jesus continued to speak: “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. In Me, there is no place for loneliness and pain, just pure love. Yes the world you live in has troubles, but if you trust in Me – you will come to know love and peace and fullness even here on earth before you come and join me in your rightful place that I have for you in the heavens. Will you let me take the pain from you that so lingers?”
I nodded slowly. As I did, the most amazing thing happened. All the hurtful memories and feelings associated with it appeared before me – and with a flash of light I saw the sword of truth cut through them so that they were dissipated as I forgave and let go of the people who hurt me. I also needed to forgive myself, because I am always the hardest on myself. I didn’t know how to let go, yet somehow Jesus was doing this in me all because of a simple nod.
A feeling of complete freedom overcame me and I could finally breathe fully. I could not remember the last time I was able to breathe like this. It was strange. Yet I knew it in my heart: It was the peace that transcends all understanding that seeks no reason – yet shines to glorify the One who gives it. And so what was left imprinted on my heart that night was this: That God so loved the world that He gave His only son. He knows the loneliness we feel inside, yet truly only He can fill us to the heights of love that has no comparison here on earth to make us whole inside. No other person can ever do this for us except for the one who created us and who is love. realized that I could not heal my own heart as much as I had tried over the years. The truth of God’s words infiltrated my very being, the healing had begun and I could begin to see clearly. The eyeglasses of bitterness and hypocrisy were removed and I could learn to love despite the pain that people had inflicted. I could move on. I could let go. For the first time I didn’t have a lonely heart. I realized that I was now found. Jesus loved me and that was all that mattered.
My prayer and hope for all those out there who still have lonely hearts, that you would have a deep and close encounter with Jesus who loves you. This post was written especially for you andmy prayer is lifted up, as incense to the heavens, that you will smile a real smile and know that you are truly loved.