Does Your Guy Deserve Your Heart?
How many times do we fall into that temptation of fantasizing about our future house and picking out names for our future babies just because a guy flips his hair, flashes his smile and we get all weak in the knees and starry-eyed? The malls or billboard ads don’t make it much easier with pictures of shirtless guys plastered all over them. We live in Canada, the country of snow and polar bears, it’s never THAT hot. If, as a woman, guarding my heart and modesty is made that difficult, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for men. Jason Evert once said that men are seduced with their eyes – they are very visual and respond to appearances while women get seduced by their ears. Women desire to be told that they are worthy, and that they are beautiful (that’s how the Biebs and One Direction make their money!) When women are reassured in their femininity, they automatically feel comfortable and eager to open their hearts to others. Sometimes our heart wants love so badly that we idealize our fantasies and try to project them onto any guy that will fit the mould. However, it is crucial that we take a step back and ask ourselves:
Do I like the way he makes me feel? OR Does he make me a better person?
If it’s the first – that’s okay! It’s important to feel good and comfortable because if you don’t, then you should leave that person. But we cannot let our feelings solely dictate the progression of that possible relationship. It’s important to ask ourselves:
“Do I like him as a person or do I like the way he looks?” “Is he a man of God or is he a boy of the world?” “Will he guard my dignity or will he abuse it and throw it aside for his own pleasure?”
As women, we should pray for the virtues of wisdom and clarity so that we can discern our relationships with a clear mind that is not hindered by ties to past memories or relationships. In doing this, we can truly come to understand our heart and what is good for it.
You are not alone ladies. Women before us have all struggled with guarding their purity and some women even died to preserve it. One woman that we can all look up to is St. Maria Goretti. Maria Goretti died for exercising a heroic degree of purity. At the age of 11, Maria was approached by a 19 year old boy, Alessandro Serenelli, who desired her beauty and wanted to use her for sexual favors. Alessandro caught her at a time when no one was around and demanded that she gave in. Maria refused, but Alessandro persisted by using physical force. “No! No! No! What are you doing? Do not touch me!” Alessandro did not heed Maria’s plea and when he saw that she would not give in he stabbed her with a garden tool 14 times. Maria died the next day.
Shortly before her death, she was visited by the same priest who had given her First Holy Communion. He asked her if she forgave her murderer with all her heart and Maria replied without hesitation, “Yes, I too, for the love of Jesus, forgive him … and I want him to be with me in Paradise … May God forgive him because I already have forgiven him.” What great love! Maria’s forgiveness touched the heart of Alessandro, who, later on became a lay brother of the Capuchin friars. In St. Maria Goretti, we have a witness to the purity we must strive for. She was uncompromising in word and action. Let us respond to temptation with the unfaltering resolve of this saint. Ponder her words: “He wanted to make me do wrong and I would not” – St. Maria Goretti
Our love and relationships with others should bring our significant other to Heaven. If you are in a relationship that does not guard your soul and purity, it is time to reconsider it and pray about your next steps. We are called to be saints and to join God in Heaven- is your current boyfriend or prospective guy an honorable man? And can you lead each other closer to God? If you want to know if this is love, consider this: Love gives while lust takes. Love is Selfless but lust is Selfish. Love Waits but Lust only wants instant gratification. Love always Honors while Lust seeks to dishonour.
Maria Goretti knew the Author of true love at age 11, we must also strive to know Him and seek His heart first before all others. If you are filled with peace after reading this blog, it’s a good sign that you are with the right person. If you are plagued with anxiety, then you need to make some tough choices. If you feel trapped in a relationship that describes the characteristics of lust, be not afraid, there is hope. Take courage and say goodbye to him. You are worthy of Heaven. Your heart deserves to be pursued and treasured, not mangled and abused. Take this first step, you won’t regret it. If you have made some mistakes and given away pieces of your heart to the wrong men, remember that you are not dirty or “damaged goods”- you are a new creation and you can start again. The pain of rejection is a deep scar that only Jesus can heal, but, He makes all things new. Think about your future spouse and his own heart. Guard yourself for him and stop settling for your current unfulfilling relationship. You deserve more. You are made for more.
St. Maria Gorretti pray for us!
Many thanks to our CCY friends for the St. Maria Gorretti Information.